Uplyme 22 Sept

By Mark Gilkes

Fear and Loafing in Lyme Regis. Pt. II

Sunday 22nd September 2002 at Lyme Regis Crazy Golf

Weather: Sunny Laws of the game:

  • Ball to be first played from tee mat
  • We don’t need to concern ourselves with the other laws…

Reigning champion Mark Gilkes was defeated* by one shot by Mike Fox

* Law one states: Ball to be first played from the tee mat

Mark Gilkes congratulated the new champion with an effusive and generous speech delivered in the highly original style of a mumbling through gritted teeth.

James Tait ate a pint of prawns, all of whom seemed to look with a special pink vindictiveness at the still-sulking Gilkes.

Sunday 22nd September 2002 at Uplyme Cricket Club

Weather: Sunny

Innings of Uplyme & Lyme Regis CC
Clark bwd J Monahan 4
Caddy lbw J Monahan 30
Blackmore ct J Monahan M Fox 3
Daniel ct M Fox A Wood 59
M Batey bwd J Fox 9
Grossberg lbw J Fox 16
S Batey lbw Stewart 30
Hamilton not out   13
Maltby not out   36
Robertson did not bat    
Finnigan did not bat    
Extras 27
Total for 7 207


M Fox 7 0 32 1
J Monahan 7 1 29 2
J Fox 7 1 31 2
P Sessions 4 0 45 0
A Wood 4 0 34 1
M Gilkes 3 0 32 0
M Stewart 2 0 15 1
T Britton 1 0 8 0


Innings of Salmagundi Gardeners CC
J Tait bwd Finigan 17
M Gilkes bwd Finnigan 0
T Britten ct Hamilton 4
M Stewart bwd Clark 11
P Sessions bwd S Batey 28
M Fox run out (expertly by Jim Monahan) as a result of consistently failing to play the ball from the tee mat   33
J Fox bwd M Batey 1
J Monahan not out (expertly – as in the case of the confident leave that saw the ball hit his stumps but fail to dislodge the bails)   25
A Woods bwd Caddy 11
D Hargreaves run out (without facing, giving him no opportunity to disprove yesterday’s scorebook assessment of his batting prowess)   0
Extras 26
Total for 8 130


T Finnigan 6 1 8 2
Blackmo… Oh, who cares…

Innings of Salmagundi in the game of pathetic attempts to be interesting enough to get written up in the report

Jim Monahan having secured 13 players the night before, managed to have 3.2 overs bowled before somebody noticed we only had 10 13

aka 10

Mike Fox took two stunning catches to show how it is done while the rest of the team vied to show best how it isn’t 2

Rosy Saunders allegedly, as Uplyme & Lyme Cricket Club smashed their way to victory, and Salmagundi fielders searched in vain for the ball in the ditch on one side and the stream on the other, made a clever attempt to secure victory for our side by renaming the game Riverball 100

Total annihilation

aka enormous fun

The persons portrayed in this report are factual and bear no relation to anybody living or dead who can play cricket.

No animals were injured in the Salmagundi batting, nor energy expended in the fielding.

Based on a true weekend.

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