French House 4 July

Report by Nick ‘Rhythm ‘n’ Blues’ Duckett

A truncated report this week due to your scribe forgetting to bring home the scores and thus relying entirely on his memory for a few selective incidents.Prospects for a second win of the season for the Gardeners were looking remote as our eleven braves gathered out on to the wicket for a bit of catching practice at 2.45pm.‘Has anybody spoken to Johnny Spitfire’ (French captain) ? – ‘No.’

‘Does anybody even have his number?’ – Jason: ‘I thought he was in Rome.’

3pm and Johnny turns up alone. ‘Sorry guys but we’re all in the wrong pub about a mile down the road – be ready in half an hour.’

3.30ish and a truncated 30 over match began with customary controversy and confusion from umpire Brunton (Porno Pete). French won the toss electing to bat. A clear six was signalled as a four; a row between ump and batsman two over the no ball rule (with steam emanating from the ears of offending bowler Mick) ; an lbw decision with batsman one given out bat before wicket (batsman was recalled). Never a dull moment with Brunton.

Gardeners bowled tightly with everyone getting a wicket, Mick, Tom, Lord Fakenham, Jeremy, and two each for Billy and Dave S with two run outs, one particularly fine one taken by keeper Paul off a perfect throw from Tom.

Extras had a good day; wides top-scored for the French followed by Batsman Paul with 18.

Batsman nine had an interesting day. Johnny at strikers end hit the ball to Nick at mid off. A fumble from the fielder gave #9 the chance to run for a single. Johnny sent him back as Nick recovered with a quick throw to the stumps, Billy finishing off the job – run out without facing a ball. Poor old #9 was called to bat again as 11th man and was bowled first ball by the skipper. His day in the field wasn’t much better. A weedy attempt at a catch resulted in him falling over and winding himself and spending the rest of the match on the sidelines. 

French all out for 94.

Some interesting captaincy from the Gs saw our skipper put himself at #11 and at 50 for 1, he decided a win was on the cards and skipped off to play doubles tennis back in Hampstead. (Did you win, Dave?)

Fakenham and Tom put on a few runs. I think Richard Hammerton top scored although he might have had a bit of competition from wides (Brunton was umpiring in both innings). Tom was bowled for about 10. His Lordship holed out at 20. Dave H got a couple. Jeremy was 4 not out. Nick and Mick both faced 4 balls. Nick caught attempting a square cut for 3. Mick more successfully (batting at his lucky seven) scored 13.

Gardeners 97 for 5.

A win!

Certain gardeners indulged in a bit of late-night drinking back at the French with Nick getting propositioned by the mother of pop star Suggs, and Fakenham wrapping the evening up telling a particularly attractive young lady that she was boring him. Bring on Bendev next Sunday…

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